Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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