He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
