Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
