I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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