another moral hangover. fuck.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
It's never too late to be topless.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
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