He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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