Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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