I just threw up on my dentist
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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