He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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