You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
