He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Dear god my vagina.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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