wake up i wanna do it froggy style
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize