whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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