If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
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