I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize