so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Randomize
