i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
