What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
