dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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