a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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