WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
