Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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