My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
