Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
