Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Screwed.edu
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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