I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
