The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
My breasts were aching with rage.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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