i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
