They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
