Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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