I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
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