Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
birth control should be required to get into college
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
