so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
