I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
the condom got lost in my hair
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
