I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
