woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
