Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Every concussion has its silver lining
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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