my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
My pussy is not your playground.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
