can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
as a side note pls kill me
Randomize
