So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Randomize
