I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
