a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Randomize
