Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
