I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Randomize
