Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
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