there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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