woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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