a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Randomize
