I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
