At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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