I swear she didn't look like that last week.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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