she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
