fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
