I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
