lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
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