Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Randomize
