Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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