Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Someone signed my nipple.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
