thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
