If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I want a musical about memes.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
