Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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