Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
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