If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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