He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
