i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Randomize
