i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize