I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
