Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
