I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I could make wine with my vomit
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize