I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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