I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
