I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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