Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
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