So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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