i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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