You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
40s are totally the cure
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize