normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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